Heart-shaped Humiliation

Confession:

I let Valentine's Day get to me.


I've been a member of the Hallmark-holiday-blablabla team for as long as I can remember. (We might also be known as "bitter" - you might be familiar with our group.) I'm slowly starting to realize that for my entire adult life, I might have been that girl that was (rather proudly, I might add), anti-everything. I never wanted to get married. Kids? No thanks. So, uh - Valentine's Day??? Clearly for ignorant, insecure consumers who mishandle their disposable incomes. (So, maybe I've been more more of a "superiorist" than "anti-everything", while I'm making up words. )

I know - it's pretty transparent. It's always the single people who hate love.

Yes, but you see - I predicted this argument and responded by remaining consistently anti-everything when in relationships as well. Ok... and maybe I did a little bit of semi-intentionally/semi-subconsciously dating the kind of guys that wouldn't have married me/celebrated Valentines with me/[intentionally]procreated with me. Something like a self-fulfilling prophecy, or something.

So - now that we've briefly psychoanalyzed my past destructive behaviors, we will fast-forward to today - Valentine's Day 2012. I've relinquished my hold on almost all of my anti-establishment beliefs (as it turns out, I just needed the right, super establishment-esque dude to get to this point) and am pretty much ready to be barefoot, pregnant, in a kitchen, and happy about it. So you can see why it was pretty important this year to hold on to my anti-valentine beliefs. It is, after all, the only thing I have left.

But, this is how it went down:

Two months ago, I "warned" Ben that I didn't tolerate Valentine's celebrations (yes, I posed it as a warning, pretending to brace myself for protests, allthewhile knowing/hoping he would later brag to his friends that I was the most awesome girl ever). Six-ish weeks of The Bachelor and Kay-diamond-real-life-engagement-story-commercials later... and I casually decided we would do dinner. Low-key, at home... but you know, together- and sort of more special than our other dinners. Many-hours-of-contemplation later and I had developed a menu, about three weeks in advance, and about four courses deep - no biggie. Somewhere along the lines, I informed him we were doing cards - but just cards - and before you know it, I've basically mandated my own love letter to myself. Finally, it reached the point of, maybe-you-should-just-put-flowers-in-my-office... or something.

I am actually really truly embarrassed by this behavior. When I came into my office this morning and saw my Valentines "surprise" - I realized how silly I had been. First of all, surprises aren't really that great - or, by definition, really surprises at all - if you demand them. Gifts and grand gestures aren't really that grand at all if there is an unspoken expectation that they will be done (or else...). Not to discount the good work of Ben - but he actually asked me if I was surprised... but why would I be? I told him he had to do it. He really had no other choice. And, seriously, the chocolates and card are really nothing in comparison to the times he has dutifully done the dishes without me asking. People say that but they aren't lying.

We all say the same things about Valentine's Day - it's a made-up day, intended to make single people feel bad and/or to make un-single people spend money. All of these things are essentially true - but you know what's really bad? I realized today that it is a holiday that is maybe unintentionally designed to make us all take for granted what we already have - whether it's a fabulous [single] life, or a really great [but maybe not most creative/great at surprises] significant other.

And I fell into the trap. For shame.

Speaking of Valentine traps -

I told my dad on the phone yesterday that I heard the average man spends $150 on Valentines Day. He called bs (while I may officially be the first lawyer in the family, our argumentative nature, I suspect, goes back several generations) and I looked into it. This "study" was done by the National Retail Federation - soooo scientifically unbiased! As it turns out, the National Restaurant Association claims that 46% of the men they surveyed just prefer a meal for Valentines Day.

:-)

I wish all of my friends, loved ones, and the couple of blog followers I have the best Valentine's Day possible - whether you're being drowned in diamonds/chocolate/roses, or drowning yourself in vodka - remember that as far as I'm concerned, all holidays are fun - but that it's important to stay grounded and remember the true meaning of the day (which is meant to be funny, as there is no strong consensus as to the actual origin of this day). The only real meaning is the meaning you give it. And I say so. And it's my blog.

<3