When I first heard about Alabama politician Bill Johnson and the sort of strange infidelity he had in his marriage, I thought it was another predictable example of hypocritical social conservatism. Bla bla bla - a Repulican politician from the South impregnated lesbians in Australia, despite his public stance against gay marriage... sounds strange, but whatever. A Republican senator could be found gagged and naked with two male midget hookers and I'd barely look twice at the headline.
****as a hopefully-unnecessary side note, I do not think the only politicians engaging in sexual indiscretions are conservatives. I did, after all, essentially learn about blow jobs from President Clinton. The politicians who try to legislate in the bedrooms of others are the ones more fun to judge. Also, as a double side note, Mr. Johnson gave a full statement about the misdeeds of his... well... Johnson... yet the only thing he refused to comment on was the fact that he donated sperm to lesbians.
Anyway, this all brings me back to my last post- weird sexual practices and 20/20. Remember how I said I had considered selling my eggs in college for cash? Of course everyone knows that men low on cash can drop by their local sperm bank for a quick dollar. But, apparently, there is a whole black market for sperm. Actually, black market is probably the wrong term since loads of men (sorry, couldn't help it) are apparently giving theirs away- for FREE- on the Internet. Yes, I know - at first this seems obvious. After all, men have been pretty openly willing to part with their sperm for free... actually, they've traditionally been willing to PAY to get someone to take it off their hands... But, despite the behavior and/or the result, typically the goal of these types of casual encounters would not ideally be a child.
No, the men featured on this show were different. Very, very different. It featured two of the most stereotypically nerdy-looking dudes, both stereotypically computer engineers, who, not so stereotypically, donate their sperm- regularly- to random women on the Internet... for insemination.
The first story was about a married couple who can't conceive- so they pick out an engineer dude, meet him in a cheap hotel room, give him a sterile cup and some alone time and - boom! - five minutes later, they return, he leaves, and the next camera shot is one of the woman with her legs elevated on some icky Motel 6 pillows. You can fill in the rest of the blanks. She said it was important to her that her husband be present when she conceived.
The motivation for the women to take this route was primarily financial. Can't beat free sperm. Also, there was the idea that "fresh" sperm was better than the frozen kind you find in the banks. Then again, sperm banks freeze sperm to maintain its quality while they test it- for diseases... sort of a perk you may not want to forego... But, aside from the practical considerations, I also have to imagine that anonymity is a benefit of the traditional methods as well. Visitation and parental rights aside, I'm just not sure that I'd want my most vivid memories of conception to begin and end with some gross-looking dude holding a cup of his own sperm in a cheap hotel bathroom. Ugh.
This brings us to the next fine young gent. The other geeky lad was a bit more of a professional. In fact, he actually takes pride in his virility- to the point that he drinks a "fertility shake" every day. Made up of a bunch of random strange ingredients, the only proof of its effectiveness lies in his claim that tests prove him four times more fertile than the average man (and 65% of the time, it works every time). Women can be seen coming from miles to his trailer (yes, seriously) to collect a little bit of his... well, you know... success.
The rather obvious question at this point is- why? For the women, the motives seem pretty obvious. But what about the donors? Is it something about the masculine need to procreate? Does a higher sperm count translate to a higher male self-esteem? Or could it be a sign of some kind of sexual deviance? One of the dudes featured was outed on 20/20 as being involved in some shady-sounding underground porn world. Or, is it really truly just a form of community service, done with purely altruistic intentions?
One thing I'm quite certain is not a selfless act of service to one's community is the dude at the end of the show. He's a subscriber to the "natural method". Yes, it is exactly what you think it is. Dudes who will have sex with random women, for free, out of the kindness of their hearts, to intentionally impregnate them. The featured man- who was in disguise, due to his fear that his wife was too close-minded to appreciate his service to others- had impregnated six women that he knew of, "naturally".
Interestingly, then government is trying to get involved - specifically, the FDA. Apparently, even when your sperm is free, it is subject to some regulations. Granted, it is important to screen for diseases and to protect the public from the potential danger these kinds of "trades" can present... Then again, everyone in these situations seemed to know exactly what they were getting into- and risking. And, I mean, really - is the FDA going to start regulating all of the drunk people who go home from bars together and share diseases?
Mr. Johnson, the politician mentioned at the beginning, said in an interview that he had an urge to have children of his own. Although he had raised several step-children, his wife had a hysterectomy prior to their marriage that made it impossible for them to have their own. So, naturally he got involved in the Australian sperm trade. All of these guys make it sounds like there is an inherent male urge to procreate - an idea I think science would support. It also seems important to them to get across the idea that they're just trying to help... I guess this means that a few of Maury's regular guests may be up for some sort of Nobel prize soon....
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