Obligatory Gift Giving

Today's inspiration is a much better-written, wittier piece than I myself can or will write today (collateral lesson: set expectations low, expect great results):
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laurenne-sala/thanks-wise-men-stuck-in-_b_799382.html
So, I suggest you read Laurenne Sala's comments as well (or maybe just skip mine altogether) ... but it brings up a great topic for the season:
OBLIGATORY GIVING
As I sit on an airplane, writing this from my brand new netbook (thank you, mom and dad) -- I can honestly say I love Christmas. My parents have always made a huge deal about gift-giving around this time and it certainly hasnt stopped just because I pay my own rent and take out my own trash now (although, as a side note, every Christmas I'm reminded that if my brother and I just hold off on having any children, we could potentially clean up like this into our 40's.
Anyway, point is -- in my family, the giving/receiving gifts is a pleasure in which everyone finds delight. The part of Sala's article that reminded me of my family was that need to get the "perfect gift" - basically, something you either once knew you wanted, but later forgot -- or even better, never knew you wanted at all. Gift cards are frowned upon by all (Really? That's the best you could come up with?), and cash is an unacceptable alternative. One year, after graduating law school and constantly reminded of the mortgage I had inadvertantly obtained (AKA - student loan debt), I begged my parents to just pay off my credit card for Christmas, instead of gifts. The whole idea was so abhorrent to my father (what fun is that?), that my rather mature and practical request was summarily denied.
But, whether you belong to a family that cherishes the element of surprise, or one of those "weird" families that buys one another exactly what you asked for (huh?) -- I think we've all had the dreaded holiday experience - opening (and, presumably, pretending to like) a terrible gift while everyone looks on in awkward anticipation.
Some people are better at this than others. I remember younger cousins proclaiming proudly:
I dont LIKE this!
The majority of us probably just smile tensely like a Botox-victim and hope the spotlight turns to someone else quickly.
So, in conclusion, I will devote the rest of this entry to some of the worst gifts I've ever received, and invite you to share. And, if you happen to be reading this, and happen to have purchased one of those things for me -- I'm very, very sorry. It's me, not you.
1. I can only devote one place to the ugly clothing I have received over the years - there are too many to count, and many have been blocked from memory. The worst were homemade. One had a penguin applique - I was only seven, but I already knew it was bad. I hope the patrons of Goodwill have found more joy in them than I.
2. Wool scarves in gloves - when I lived on South Beach. And, no, I did not have any vacations to Vail planned.
3. A teddy bear - a gift from a high school boyfriend. Two months later, I realized he had placed a gold necklace around its neck. I presume that was the real gift, but I didnt see it until we had broken up. And even then, it was ugly.
4. Another boyfriend regifted me a Rocky poster. By "regifted", I mean, it used to be on his wall when he was a child and was barely in one piece. Oh, and it came with photos of him as a child with what I presume he believed were poetic things written on the back. It was not sweet, it was creepy. And cheap.
5. Every Bath and Body gift set I've ever received. It just couldn't get any more generic than that.
And, on that note -- I hope everyone had happy holidays :-)